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Wednesday, February 10, 2010


JP Beaty

PROLOUGE: A Brief History of Zombie-Town

After years of tormenting and eating people’s brains, a 1980 law was signed that declared that all zombies must be imprisoned. By 1981 all zombies in the United States were confined to interment camps. The conditions in these camps were horrible and due to the high disease rate more zombie friendly countries were forced to intervene[1] . Finally brain seeds discovered by Dr. Guzman of Switzerland allowed Zombies to live among people without having to eat them. Soon President Clinton signed the act that freed zombies from the prison camps. After their release however many zombies continued to face prejudice most notably in Minneapolis Minnesota where a group of zombies successfully sued a Minneapolis Barrier-Mart for discrimination.[2] Soon however despite these victories many zombies became fed up with being a minority and appealed to congress to start their own town and after several months of deliberation were given the right to. The town would be located near the Mississippi river town of Williamsburouh[3]. The town aptly named Zombie-town is now quite prosperous and is home to over 6000 zombies.


Little Tommy cradled his head in his exposed arm bone. His teacher droned on and on how as a zombie gets older they may experience hygiene problems like sweat, acne and insect infestation but not to worry because it’s all apart of a young zombie getting older. It was at this point Tommy seriously regretted not having eye-lids. Then after what seemed like eternity the bell began its shrill scream while the teacher was in mid sentence. With in seconds the room was deserted except for several stragglers picking up any lost limbs. The teacher rolled her eye and sighed. Tommy, by then, was already boarding the bus. The bus driver was a friendly zombie who despite having no right leg was still an active fun loving zombie. After ten conversation filled minutes with his friend hank who had no nose the bus drove up to a nice two story white house with a relatively new car in the asphalt driveway. Tommy smiled ear to no ear as he started up the driveway to his house.
Inside the house Tommy’s mother was quite literally getting her ear talked off by her teenaged daughter Emily. “So then like OMG ‘cause they were like making out and his lip was like...”
Under the table her mother clenched her fists. Then there was a knock on the door. Tommy’s mom smiled to herself as she cut into her daughters rant by saying
“Oh I’m sorry about interrupting your err uh riveting story”
“WTH Mom”. The woman in question opened the door and Tommy came in and hung his coat in the mudroom closet. His mom asked him the customary “how was school today” inquiry. Tommy responded by saying
“Not so hot we had leftover brain casserole from yesterday.”
“Well that’s too bad.”


Later that night after his father had returned from his work at the towns TV station ZOM-b TV Tommy’s family sat watching the evening news. The newscaster a skeletal zombie with bleach white bones read off the days headlines “…the secretary of state refused to comment. Just coming in now Williamsburogh is in shock today after federal agents raided and shut down the soap factory. This is the largest employer in town and is expected to leave many unemployed. We now take you live to the mayor of Zombie-town”
The mayor of zombie-town was a short man on the fatter side with a large snow white mustache standing out against his badly decomposed face. He cleared his throat and began to speak, “We have just been told that Williamsburogh’s soap factory has been closed down by federal agents. I offer my sympathy to all the workers how have lost their jobs and to tell then there are many jobs available in Zombie-town and our community welcomes them with open arms.” Loud cheers then emitted from the screen. The screen then flipped back to the newscaster who commented “what a wonderful speech. This is Jack Michel’s signing off. Up next The Office.
The next day busses had already started to drive up. Many zombies had begun to crowd around the busses. Suddenly from one bus came the shriek of “Zombies!”
[1] witch is why so many zombies live in countries like Japan and Germany
[2] Another notable case happened when a zombie rights group sued a Hollywood film studio for unfair portrayal and libel.
[3] despite protest from Williamsburough.
Jp beaty2010


  1. Hi there, its william over from Jingles thursday rally. wow friend this was great, enjoyed it very much, a good post for the rally :)

  2. u r very knowledgeable,
    thank u for the admirable post!

  3. Awesome. I am definitely an advocate of zombie rights. As long as they don't use my brain for their casserole.